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New National Security Threat: Bicycles

WASHINGTON (XF) - The Xsociate Files has learned that just like his pretzel comrade before him, a bicycle involved in an accident last year with President Bush was detained shortly after the incident and charged with attempting to disrupt the US lead war on terror. Both suspects have been held at the US detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where they have undergone intensive questioning. Thus far, however, neither suspect has given up any information to Army interrogators.

When questioned about the detentions, Press Secretary Scott McClellan stated that the US is at war with an elusive enemy that can take on many forms. He also reaffirmed President Bush’s inherent authority to designate and detain ‘enemy confections and conveyances’ in the war on terror.

President Bush has weighed in on the issue in the past. He is quoted as saying “you are either with us or you are with the snack and exercise loving enemies of freedom.”

Also revealed to XF are some of the enhanced interrogation techniques used on the suspect nicknamed 'Al-Huffy'. These have included prolonged periods of lubrication deprivation and being forced to watch as scantily clad female interrogators rode stationary exercise bikes.


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