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Bird's Eye View

Errant aves nabbed after presser pooping.

WASHINGTON (XF) - While it seemed that President Bush shrugged off an encounter with the droppings of a wayward sparrow at yesterday's Rose Garden press conference, sources tell The Xsociate Files that Mr. Bush was livid that his security detail did not thwart the fecal flinging. Soon after the presser adjourned, the President ordered all birds within a ten mile radius to be apprehended for testing and questioning for links to terrorism.

"He's worried about Avian Flu and thinks this might have been an attempt on his life by a terrorist trained bird," the source says.

If indeed the case, this wouldn't be the first time that the President's security apparatus has failed to consider the threats posed by seemingly harmless sources. In 2002, a pretzel caused a fainting spell which resulted in minor injuries. And in 2005, the President fell from a bicycle while attending the G8 summit in Britain.

But animal rights activists are upset over the round up of birds following yesterday's incident, claiming that the administration's detention practice amounts to "featheral profiling". But the administration says the move is necessary to prevent possible future acts of biological terror.

"If rounding up a few innocent birds along with the guilty ones means we will be safe from this aerial terror, then all these objections to our detention policies really are just for the birds," White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said at a recent gaggle.

(Filed at State of the Day)


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